6 Things Triathlon Has Taught Me

What is it about triathlon and it's power to transform us?  My life has changed in numerous ways since I began this sport back in 2008 and all because I decided to sign up for a local sprint race.  Something came back to life in me when I crossed that finish line, a little spark of pride maybe?  Here's what I think this sport can teach us.

 Our Desires and Needs are Important

I've spent most of my life putting the needs of my family above my own.  I've lived to serve for many, many years. And you know what?  I became resentful and unhappy because I ignored my own needs.  If there's anything I've learned through this sport it's that you must stand your ground and do what you love to do, what you need to do, to feed your soul.  I love to compete and I love training.  It lights me up and gives me purpose.  It's a big part of who I am.  When I started honoring this aspect of myself, life got so much better.  At first I worried that I was being selfish and that my kids were feeling neglected if I was training instead of being available for them all the time, so I asked them how they felt about it.  Did it bother them when I was gone on a Sunday for a long bike ride or took a week off to go to a training camp?  Did they mind that I sometimes felt it was necessary to do an important training session over taking them to a soccer game every once in a while? All five kids told me they loved that I was a triathlete and that I deserved to have time to myself.  They could see it made me happy and that it put me in a better mood so they were all for it.  Wow.  It's ok to honor and pursue the things you love. Got it.

Time Management

Not my strong suit for many years but triathlon has helped me improve in this area of my life.  Being a parent gave me a crash course in scheduling and organization but triathlon taught me how to actually manage my time.  If I wanted to get my workouts done, I had to find pockets of time during the day where I could squeeze in training sessions between the kid's school, activities and my job. Hello, early morning workouts!  I love being able to knock out a session before the kids get up.  That was kind of life changing for me.  Planning my training forced me to plan everything else which makes me feel so much more in control and relaxed.  I can thank triathlon for that.

Consistency

Once I applied time management to my schedule, consistency soon followed.  If you plan ahead, it's hard not to show up.  If I know I'm getting up for an early morning swim, I pack the night before because my early morning self is bleary-eyed and forgetful.  I print and pack my workout, lay out my clothes, pack towels, prepare my nutrition and set up my coffee mug under the Keurig.  I make my morning as foolproof as possible.  This practice also sets an intention for the following morning so I don't have to go through a mental dialogue at 4am about whether or not I want to get up because I've already planned to do it. 

How to shut down Negative thinking

This is a biggie.  I have always struggled with a brain that went straight for the 'glass is half empty' perspective with lots of self deprecation thrown in for good measure.  Negative thinking is a habit.  You don't get rid of habits by stopping them.  You get rid of them by noticing when you are in the act of doing them and then replacing them with a better alternative.  I've learned a lot about how to do this through racing.  I use thought swaps all the time.  For every negative thought I think, I immediately replace it with a positive thought. 
Thoughts are emotionally charged so the goal is to use thoughts that drive positive feelings.  Once you start consistently replacing the negative thoughts, that very act becomes a habit.  The more you think better thoughts, the more your brain tags them as important and prunes the negative thoughts because they're no longer relevant.  If you think negative thoughts all the time, your brain will assume they are necessary for your survival and quickly shove them into the forefront when your body is under stress.  The key to quieting your negative self-talk is to choose and think often the exact thoughts you want your brain to choose when you're under stress thereby creating a neural pathway that grows stronger the more you use it.  Write down your negative thoughts and think of quick, positive retorts to practice during training.  Make your thought swaps short and sweet.  You don't want to engage the mind in a dialogue. Another thing, food and hydration play a role in negative thinking.  If you're hungry or thirsty, your blood sugar and dopamine levels drop which lowers your ability to think rationally.  So eat, drink and think merry thoughts :)

Motivation vs. Discipline

I think I could write an entire blog post on this little gem of information.  In a nut shell, motivation requires an emotional state of mind so that you feel like doing something. Discipline, on the other hand, is action without emotion. You just do it.  No mental debates, no waiting around to feel motivated, otherwise whatever it is you're trying to accomplish probably won't happen.
I can promise you when my alarm goes off at 4am, I'm not at all motivated to get out of bed and if I wait around to feel motivated, forget about it.  Instead I've learned to channel my inner Vulcan and remove emotion from the equation to get stuff done.  The mantra, "don't think, just do" helps to focus my attention on action which creates momentum and then the motivation shows up.

Keep a Sense of Humor

Triathletes spend a ton of time training and sometimes we can get a little too wrapped up in results, data and our need to reach certain goals.  I'm all about taking my training seriously, after all, I'm investing my time, effort and money to improve and see results as an athlete.  But I'm an age-grouper, not a pro.  And triathlon is a part of who I am but not all of it.  I use triathlon to connect with others, to grow as a person and to feel strong and accomplished.  I want to have fun with it, not make it a chore.  It's a balance thing, really.  There's a time to be serious and a time to just laugh at yourself and enjoy the journey.

What have you learned about yourself through triathlon?  

Tucson Triathlon Training Camp 2015!!

 Oh my goodness, so much to tell!!  Tucson is beautiful, by the way.  The first time I attended camp I fell in love with it and I've been really looking forward to training there again this year.  My coach, who runs different camps throughout the year, created a new camp in September for women only that catered to ironman and half ironman distance athletes.  This was great for me because I'm definitely in the Half Ironman category with no intention of doing a full ironman anytime in the near future.  I loved being with athletes similar to my ability level because let's face it, when everyone around you is so advanced that you can't even keep up, it can be kind of demoralizing.  I was also very happy to find that most of the ladies I was grouped with were moms like me so we all had a lot in common.  I love meeting new people and making new friends and camp always provides that opportunity. Within 24 hours I'd bonded with two great gals from Katy, Texas on a 75 mile bike ride.  Veronica is training for Oilman in Houston and Jenny is racing Ironman Augusta this weekend, both races being their first half ironmans!   

I was rooming with two other ladies, one from San Antonio named Shelly and the other, a Boston transplant named Heidi who now lives in Phoenix.  Everyone was super nice and all had that same fire that seems to burn in me-- to train and suffer like a kick ass triathlete because it feels so dang awesome! Here's me and my room mate Shelly.  She is in Chattanooga as I write, preparing to race IMChoo tomorrow.  

A little back story here....my first camp experience was in February of 2014. I had spent the past year focusing on the construction of our home and doing very little training.  I was itching to get back to it and started working with Hillary in January of 2014 when I decided to make a scary goal and go to camp.  O.M.G.  All I can say is ignorance is bliss.  I was not at all prepared for the onslaught of challenges I was to face each day at that camp.  I was the weakest athlete there and that's not an exaggeration. I had never ridden my bike more than 60 miles in my life.  I had never swam more than 2500 yards in a pool and my longest run was a half marathon that I ended up walking the last 2 miles. I hadn't even done my first half ironman and yet there I was, surrounded by multi-ironman finishers, ultra runners and pro triathletes.  I had no idea what I'd gotten myself into until it was too late so all I could do was show up, do the workouts and pray I didn't die trying.  This year was different.  Many of the ladies in our group were moms like me and they were either training for a half or a full distance ironman.  Everyone was very strong and committed, certainly above average ability but not anything crazy to where you'd feel super intimidated.  We were all there to challenge ourselves and have the chance to work with Hillary one on one. Some were there to get some peak training in before they tapered for an ironman race.  It was the perfect environment for me and I loved every single day of it.  Day one was a 5 mile social run and dinner then we were up early the next morning for a bike building clinic at 6am in Hillary's garage.  The best part about that clinic was the coffee! For some reason I appear to be strutting across the garage with mine....

My bike was all set, tires pumped, nutrition and hydration loaded and the weather perfect! We were ready to hit the road for our first session of the day!  

We took a group pic before heading out.  Lots of Smash cycling gear to brighten everything  up! 

 We headed down Starr Pass and over through town to Mission Road.  Mission is basically a false flat for several miles that eventually winds up into the hills.  Good thing all the climbing is at the beginning of the ride.  I've spent many a Sunday morning doing hill repeats on Kemah bridge getting my legs ready for the hills in Tucson but it's not really the same as actually riding IN Tucson UP the hills.  No matter.  Jenny was in front all the way up so I did my best to keep her in my sight.  Geez, she's strong for someone that lives in Houston! I was super impressed and glad for someone that forced me to push myself.  We had a great downhill going out towards Madera then turned back for a 6 mile climb that dead-ended at Mission.  Here we are taking a little break before flying down Mission road for a super fast descent.  Hillary had told me to get on Jenny's wheel on the previous climb but that girl is so freakin' strong I couldn't catch up with her to draft so on the downhill, Hillary had me draft on her then she pulled me up to Jenny's wheel so I could hang on.  So much fun to be challenged like this and ride with such a beastly group of girls.  

The last 5 miles of this ride were a little painful because we started to get tired and hungry.  We needed food-- like REAL food--not liquid nutrition and gels. I was so hungry I would've eaten dirt. When we finally pulled up to my casita, I put my bike up and ran straight to the fridge, barely taking time to get my helmet and gloves off.  I spent the next 15 minutes shoving food in my mouth like a starving animal. We had about an hour before it was time to swim.  Shelly came in about 30 minutes after me and did the same exact thing--she ran straight to the fridge and started scarfing down food while telling me how far they'd ridden (108 miles I think???).  Shelly is super petite with almost no body fat.  I don't know how she made it that far without passing out.  I decided to join her for a second round of face stuffing and then we got our swim suits on and headed for the pool.    

The Forever Set.  This is a swim set that is assigned on a fairly regular basis during certain training blocks.  It is so named because one of my teammates decided that it took "forever" to complete it.  The main set consists of 16X Band only, 200 PBB (paddles, buoy and band) FAST plus 50 easy swim.  You do that set 4X plus a warm up and a cool down, of course.  I've been doing this set for about 18 months so I'm very comfortable with it NOW but the first time I did it???  I seriously thought I was going to drown.  Wrapping a band around your ankles and trying to swim across the pool will do that to you.  Your hips sink, you gulp water instead of air and it's generally unpleasant until you position your body right and get your arms moving at the right speed.  Hillary loves this set.  I've come to love it too but it took me a couple of months to get the hang of it. Once the other campers were given instructions, we were off.  I know it sounds crazy to some of you to think a swim workout could feel good after a 75-100+ mile bike ride but it actually does.  The water feels really good and the actual swimming helps to loosen you up after being all crunched up in your aero bars but that day my body wasn't having it. I only got through two sets and had to stop dead in my tracks due to leg cramps--and I mean gut wrenching, tear inducing, rather be in labor than feel this pain, kind of leg cramps.  I rolled myself out of the pool and kneaded my quad muscles in an attempt to release the spasms shooting through my legs.  Holy Cow that hurt.  Hillary handed me a bottle of Gatorade and told to chug it.  She said 75 miles on the bike + forever set (may cause) = C.R.A.M.P.S. The gatorade did it's job, thank you God, and I finished one more set with a lot less vigor but, I finished it.  I got in the hot tub with Shelly and Dawn then we went home, showered, had dinner and were all in bed by 9pm.  
Next morning we had a 1:45 hour drive to our hike and swim destination.  The drive up was so relaxing and gave us all time to get to know each other.  The scenery was breath taking, really, and you would have never known we were just outside of Tucson.  It looked more like California wine country with all the gorgeous rolling hills and lush vineyards covering the landscape. When we arrived at the lake I knew it was going to be a great day.  The air was so crisp and clean and the lake was serene.  I felt so free that day.  I didn't have to be a mom or a swim teacher or a wife.  I didn't have to entertain anyone or make sure my kids were happy or fed.  I didn't have to break up some random argument over who did what to the other kid.  I didn't have to please anyone or make things better.  I didn't even have to be an adult.  I could just run and swim and play like a kid myself.  It was heaven.  
We gathered around Hillary for instructions, grabbed some gels and our water and jogged down the hill to the trail.  

We ran around the lake, maneuvering over rocks and dodging trees and scratchy bushes. At times we had to climb up rocky ledges and then slide down the other side.  We got a little lost and then picked up the trail again and kept moving.  We stopped for a group pic because it was so beautiful I wanted to remember it.  We kept moving around the lake for a little over an hour and by the end of the run, I was hopelessly in love with trail running.

Next up was our open water swim in the lake.  We learned how to position ourselves in a swim start, how to find the right feet to draft, how to let someone go if they aren't a good candidate to draft, and how to warm up for a swim when they won't let you in the water before the race.   We swam back and forth and back and forth across that lake, sighting and drafting and sprinting and cruising.  I think this is what I love most about triathlon.  I love interacting with nature-- running on trails, swimming in a (clean) lake or in the ocean.  I love riding and running surrounded by beautiful countryside or wherever I happen to be as long as I'm outside.  Doing this makes me so happy I sometimes feel like my heart will burst. That's how I felt that day at the lake.  Pure bliss.

We finished up at the lake, piled back in the car for the trip home and got ready for our next session of the day--Gates Pass, my favorite bike ride of all time.  
We left from the casitas at about 4:30pm, just after a light rain shower.  The weather was perfect, cool and fresh from the rain. The climb up Gates Pass is not super hard but it's a steady 8 mile climb.  Once we got going, I noticed my legs were still tired from our long ride the day before so I hung back and let the other girls go.  Sometimes it takes my legs a while to get with the program when they're tired.  I also knew what was coming and didn't want to spend all my energy on the front section.  I caught up with everyone at the top of Gates by the viewing area and listened for instructions on what to do next.  Gates has a very sharp drop over the back side of it's peak so you had to take it slow and stay focused.  A few of the girls were nervous about descending so she gave them some advice and said she'd lead everyone down.  I wanted to take advantage of the speedy descent at the bottom and have some fun with it so I was hoping she'd let me take off and go.  I knew she might need to hang back to make sure everyone was ok so I asked how fast we were going to descend.  She looked at me with a tiny gleam in her eye and very clearly said, "we will descend at a safe speed."  I thought, "Ok, no problem," so we all filed in line behind Miss Hillary and began our descent.  

To give you an idea of what Gates looks like elevation-wise, here is a chart.  My husband would be proud that I am using chart.  Gates is about 3100 feet in elevation.  Our casitas were at the Starr Pass Resort.  We started there and took the road leading up the front portion of Gates. 

Once you reach the top, there is a viewing area.  It's really worth it to look out over the valley and take in the views.  

Going down the other side of Gates is a little scary and reeeeeally, really fun.  You take it slow and keep a good grip on your breaks because the elevation drops drastically from the top and then levels out a bit near the bottom.  That lower part is where you can dig in and pick up speed, cruising over the rollers all the way to the T junction and that's exactly what we did.  I love, love, love to descend so I kept Hillary in my sights as we wound around the mountain.  I saw her take off at the bottom of the steepest part so I followed her and hung on for the ride. What a rush!  There is nothing more exhilarating to me on a bike ride than descending as fast as I can.  I was flying down a mountain on my bike with Hillary Biscay....hmmmmm.....I have to say, this ranks right up there with some of the most exciting moments of my life.  We high fived at the bottom.  Seriously epic.  
We turned around at that point because we didn't have enough daylight to add the McCain loop as planned so I flipped my bike in the opposite direction we'd just come and met the other girls as they rode in. My legs felt rested and ready to conquer that little hill we'd just cruised down so I headed out. Wait a minute-- did I just say we had to climb back UP the hill we'd just flown down with wild abandon at over 30 mph?  Yes, yes I did.  Now, last year I almost peed my pants when I was given that little tidbit of information. I was not at all prepared to climb back up that beastly steeple and said as much. I believe my words were, "huh-uh, no way I'm not gonna climb back up that mountain, are you f-ing kidding me???!!!".  My sentences are so clever and insightful when I'm nervous.  My protest was met with "uhhh...yes you are, you'll be fine" and that was that. I remember being terrified that my legs would give out on me when I needed them the most--you know, at the top, where the gradient was 13%???  I was sure I'd tumble down that mountain like the skier in ABC's Wild World of Sports.  "The agony of defeat....."
Honestly, I wasn't that much more confident this time around. All I knew was that I had made it up the last time I did it and I was in way worse shape then than now so I was going to have to go up on faith.  I knew that it was going to hurt, especially at the very top where it was the steepest, but I also knew it could be done.  I heard Veronica and Jenny behind me talking as we started up the rollers and one of them asked, "Are we almost there?".  I kind of chuckled and said, "ha, ha, NO.  Look to your left.  You see that hill we just came down? That's where we're headed.  We gotta climb back up".  
Say Whaaaattt????!!!!   

I guess they were as ignorant to the truth as I had been my first time.  It's pretty intimidating going down but going up?  It can shake up the most confident rider if you over think it.  See the dip in the mountain there vvvv below? vvv Do you see the car just below it going up the road??? and the other cars? you see them as your eye flows to the right of the picture??  That's the lower half of Gates.  I wish I had a picture of where it peaks at the top but I couldn't find anything.  All I can tell you is that you must stand to make it over that crest while peddling with all your might, even though your thighs feel like they're going to explode, otherwise you're toast.

When I told the girls we were going back up, Jenny zipped around me and pulled into the parking lot we happened to be passing at that moment.  She turned around, looked at us and vigorously shook her head.  The look in her eyes said it.  She wasn't going up.  I wish I could've stopped and talked to her but I was breathing too hard and all I could say was, "come on Jenny, you can do this" before passing her very slowly up the mountain.  I was hoping she'd change her mind but I had to keep going.  I wasn't about to stop because if I did, that'd be it-- I didn't think I could make it up at that point from a dead stop and I had plans once we made it back to the viewing area which included a lot of high fiving and bike lifting. Veronica stayed with me and we kept pushing onward and upward.  At one point she asked me if I ever felt like crying.  I said, "yes, but not today because I have to get my ass over this mountain."  So we kept pushing and peddling and breathing and as we approached the peak, even though our legs screamed for mercy, we just kept pushing harder, digging deeper and asking for every ounce of power we could squeeze out of legs so we could get over that crazy hill and finally....slowly....with great effort....we crested over the top and, sweet mother of Jesus, we made it!  Yes!! Another victory for the Home team!!  I high fived Veronica and told her to lift her bike over her head so I could commemorate her victory.....WoooooHoooooo!!!!!!

  

And here I am for my second pic on top of Gates....

And here is Heidi after climbing Gates.  I don't remember what she was pissed off about but she is hands down hilarious when she gets hungry and tired and grumpy and well....the pic just says it all!  

We needed to get some calories in that girl FAST.  She was giving us all sorts of advice on life and telling us how this $h*t was supposed to go down or something like that.  I don't remember anything but grabbing my camera and telling her I was taking a picture of her.  Anyway, this girl has THE MOST incredible sense of humor and a LAUGH, oh my god!  She is just a hoot.  I thoroughly enjoyed every minute with Heidi and can't wait to race with her at Ironman Austin in a few weeks.  You can't NOT have fun around this girl!

Another pic of Veronica, me and Jenny at the top of Gates.  Jenny ended up having to walk her bike up the back end of that beast and she was NOT happy about it.  She vowed vengeance on Gates next time around and I have no doubt she'll do it.  This girl can ride and climb like nobody's business.  Super strong, super fit.  She just let her mind get the best of her for a moment and I know she regretted it but hey-- that's just fuel for the fire and next time her victory will be so sweet!  I hope I'm there to see it!

Another day of camp was over but tomorrow was full of new challenges because guess what we were doing???.....duhn, duhn, duuuuuuhhhhhhh.......riding......

MOUNT LEMMON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This mountain is insane, and I mean REALLY insane.  Athletes come from all over the planet for the opportunity to ride Lemmon.  Pros flock to it as a training tool, hikers and tourist come to view it's majesty and take in the extravaganza nature has been artfully designing for thousands of years.  Pictures don't do it justice.  You just gotta see it.  As a cyclist, I respect the challenge this mountain has to offer us.  The ride begins at an altitude of about 2500 feet with Lemmon peaking at 8000 feet.  The gently curving two lane road leading up Lemmon is well maintained with a generous shoulder giving cyclists plenty of berth as they ascend the 20 miles up to the top.  My first time up Lemmon was unusual.  The weather started out sunny and comfortable but turned ugly and cold as temperatures dropped into the thirties over the course of an hour.  A wicked wind blew around the face and fog settle in as the elevation rose.  I made it to mile 17 that day but had to turn around because I was too cold and too fatigued to fight it anymore.  I felt a lot like Jenny in that regard and vowed to make it to the top the next time I had the chance.  

Our day started beautifully.  We had blue skies and sunshine when we pulled out of the Le Buzz Coffee shop's parking lot.  Once we started the climb, we all sort of spread out with Jenny and Veronica about a mile ahead of me.  I couldn't see them because the road winds around the mountain so I just settled in and kept peddling.  Here is the ride as recorded by my Garmin:

My average pace was going up was about 7-8mph and my speed going down was about 30 mph max.  Here I am just starting the climb looking up the road at about mile 2 I think....

I refueled at about mile 8 and then Hillary found me just before Windy Point at mile marker 14 which was my group's original destination for the turn-around.  I told her that I wanted to go all the way to the top just past Pallisade at mile marker 20.5 because that'd been my goal for the past 18 months.  I had the perfect day to do it and that was fine by her.  She sped up in front of me and snapped this awesome pic....

I was feeling so freaking good at that moment.  Such a contrast to the last time I'd been on that godforesaken mountain, freezing my tush off and praying I didn't die.  I rolled in to the Windy Point viewing area and greeted Jenny and Veronica.  They had taken a break and were chatting about their ride up.  I refueled, stretched and got back on my bike.  About a mile up I was able to connect with Spotify so I plugged in and listened to some Foo Fighters as I made my way up those last 6 miles to the top.  Once I got there I waved to Laura in the SAG vehicle and turned around to descend back to Le Buzz.  

I can't tell you what an amazing feeling it is to make it back safe and sound from a super challenging ride then grab food and a coffee and sit down to chat with your friends.  Hillary sat next to me and asked how I thought things were going for me.  I told her I thought I'd made huge strides since my last visit.  That was pretty obvious since the last time I was at camp I had gotten my a$$ handed to me every single day but that's what makes this journey so rewarding.  If I hadn't struggled so much the first time around  I wouldn't have had such a huge feeling of accomplishment this time. I love the fact that I was dead last at everything before (even though I hated it at the time) because it magnified my progress this time around.  Comparing myself to anyone else is pointless.  I've learned to only compare my past self to my current self.  Am I consistently improving? Am I staying positive when I have some obstacles thrown in my path?  That's all that really matters.  Triathlon is a great metaphor for Life.

The last day of camp was a track session and a technique swim.  Our warm up for the first session was to jog 3 miles to the track.  Once there, Hillary split us up into two groups.  The ironwomen were to do 21X800's.  You heard me right.  They had to run a half marathon for their track workout at whatever pace Hillary assigned to them.  It looked like it hurt. 

Our group was assigned a speed workout.  Coach had a stop watch and a plan to inflict major pain and suffering upon our tired asses.  She succeeded admirably. This was about mid-way through the workout while we could still smile without wanting to throw up.

 By the end we were completely wiped out.  

After the track workout we were shuttled back to the casitas for our final session with Hillary-- a swim technique clinic.  This was an invaluable opportunity to receive very specific critiques on our form from the Queen of Swim.  The only negative to this session was saying good-bye to her.  Hillary has this energy around her that is so enlivening.  She embody's a strength of character earned through years and years of intense training and suffering but at the same time she exudes wisdom and a very, dare I say, motherly aura towards her athletes.  She cares deeply about their progress, their goals and their dreams. She plays the role of "Dream Maker" with the intent of turning her "kidlets" into the best possible version of themselves through their training. 

I'll leave you with this:

Camp is soooo COOL!!   do it!!!

Ironman Galveston 70.3 Pre and Post Race Report

This post took me some time to create so thank you for waiting.  It's nice to have my friends asking me when my next post will be up :) I'm glad you're enjoying them.

I want to take you back to October of 2014, when I was laying on a table in the O.R. being prepped for knee surgery.  As I laid there, a mix of feelings swirled around in my head.  I was nervous for sure, but glad to be finding a solution to the pain I'd been experiencing for several weeks.  I wondered how bad my knee would hurt when I woke up and how long would it take me to get back to my normal routine.  The anesthesiologist reached around to inject something into my I.V. and asked me if I was ready.  I nodded and I counted back from ten, nine, eight.....

Thus began a series of events that lead me to race Ironman Galveston a few weeks ago.

I have to back up again, so bear with me.

Last year, my life had become extremely busy, or should I say, I allowed  it to get out of hand.  I was just reacting and responding poorly to the constant stream of chaos that resulted from our life circumstances.  We had recently moved into a new home and were prepping our other home to be put on the market-- packing up one house and unpacking the other.  We also moved our oldest daughter into her new house. My job as a self-rescue swim instructor requires some long hours in the pool with about 35-40 children being handed to me throughout the day.  I love my job-- I truly do.  I couldn't ask for a more perfect career-- But it can be exhausting out in the sun all day dragging wet little bodies through the water.  And the kids aren't exactly thrilled to be in the pool with me the first few weeks so they scream and cry, kick, pinch and try to wriggle away.  I've likened it to battling baby octopi....  

So there I was, working, training, moving house, and feeling extremely overwhelmed and by mid-June I was barely surviving the day without having an internal meltdown.  What was wrong with me?  Why couldn't I just deal?  I stopped showing up to most of my workouts and I got further and further behind.  I was too embarrassed to tell my coach I was falling into a pit of anxiety and failure because that would mean I didn't have my sh#t together and I didn't want to admit that to anyone.  Why?  Because I didn't feel like I had the right to be unhappy or stressed out.  I have a very comfortable life.  I don't have to work, I choose to, so who am I to feel this way?  I know so many other people dealing with really hard stuff-- illness, death, divorce-- and here I was stressed because my life was overflowing with a high level of activity.  I kept telling myself I shouldn't feel this way but that didn't make it go away.  Our bodies don't distinguish between this stress or that stress.  If your mind is full of negative, stressful thinking and you're anxious, you're going to feel really crappy.  You get moody, you may gain or lose weight, you stop doing things you love.  You may wish you could dissolve into the floor or sleep all day long or eat too much, drink too much or whatever you're escape mechanism is--anything to avoid the pain.  Your mind responds as if your under threat, as if your life is in danger.  It doesn't matter if you think you should or shouldn't feel stressed, if you're reacting with fear to the thoughts in your head, your brain will flood your body with cortisol, a stress hormone that screams, "do something!" and if this response becomes chronic, you can become depressed and/or anxious.  That's exactly where I was.

 My response to the stress was to quit doing my workouts.  I decided triathlon was the one activity in my life that was optional because it took time away from the other responsibilities I had looming over my head.  Big mistake. I soon learned over the following weeks that triathlon was the one thing that anchored my sanity and defined me as a person.  Whether I believed it or not, I was an athlete and the absence of it in my life was physically painful. 

It got me thinking, why do I need to tri?  Why was it so important to me?  What was it about this particularly demanding sport that gave me such relief?  I found the answer when I was diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety during my hiatus from triathlon.  I read up on these behaviors so I could understand them.  I wanted to see what I could do to tailor my life around these challenges.  I found that ADHD is easy to work with as long as you exercise and learn some time management skills.  Anxiety is eased by understanding the basic anatomy of the brain and teaching yourself techniques that create healthy thought patterns.  I plan to write a post on the specifics of what I discovered but for now, I would recommend a few books that helped me.  The first book is called Spark by John J. Ratey, M.D..  It basically explains neuroanatomy in layman's terms and addresses several common disorders and how you can use exercise to counteract them.  Hello triathlon training! Another book I read that helped change my negative, fear-based thinking was The User's Guide to the Human Mind by Sean T. Smith PsyD..  I found this book to be essential in reprogramming my mental self-talk.  I also read some books about ADHD so I could understand what causes it.  Like I said, I will elaborate on this topic in other posts because I think a lot of people struggle with these painful issues and there are answers out there.  You just have look.

Back to my knee issue....I went through the recovery process after surgery and decided I was working towards racing Galveston.  I wasn't sure if I could do it, but I put it out there.  I went to PT 3 or 4 times a week and used the Alter-G treadmill to straighten out the limp in my gait.  I built up to walking and then running and then finally to  running outside about 8 weeks ago.  I finally committed to racing and signed up when it was clear that my running was solid enough to cross the finish line.  I instigated a very strict daily schedule and became more diligent with my training.  I made consistency my main goal. 

 My first race of the season was the Kemah sprint tri which fell on a Sunday.  My confidence was boosted by a second place podium finish so I felt really good about Galveston.  I'd had a nasty stomach flu just a week before Kemah and still did well so I figured I was home free. Ha! little did I know I had another hurdle to overcome. Three days after racing Kemah, I started to feel really achy all over and had a head ache that no amount of ibuprofen could stifle.  I could barely get the kids to school Thursday morning I was so weak so I cancelled my workouts for the day and went back to bed. Maybe I could sleep it off....

I ended up in bed the entire weekend hoping I could rest and let this misery run it's course but soon developed a cough and congestion that kept me up at night.  By Monday I was on  a Z pack for a sinus infection. I hate taking antibiotics because they mess up my gut but I was getting a little desperate.  I not only had a race in five days but my husband was traveling so I had double duty with the kids and I had my job to do. It was coming down to the wire.  I didn't even know if I was going to be able to race.  I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep and I felt like I weighed a thousand pounds.   

It took three days on the Z pack to start feeling like I could do a workout.  I was able to swim by Thursday before the race but I was no where near feeling strong.  

Puffy eyes, still feeling puny.

   

On Friday I emailed my coach and the question was raised as to whether or not I was going to race or not.  I really didn't hesitate to answer her.  I said yes, of course I want to race.  I told her I can't not do it.  The way I looked at it, this was just part of my personal development plan. The universe had thrown in another monkey wrench and I wanted to see if I could handle it.    

Day before the race, packet pick-up day. I felt O.K. but not great.  I woke up at 6:30am to do an easy ride on my bike but another spring thunderstorm was raging outside.  I did a quick trainer ride then talked to my coach for race day instructions.  I told her I was getting cold feet and starting to doubt my decision to race.  I was terrified of a DNF.  But coachie said, "you WILL finish so put that out of your mind".  Let me tell ya friends, when Hillary Biscay, Ultraman World Champion, multiple Ironman Finisher and Ironman Champion tells you you will finish, you better believe her.  And I did.  I knew she wouldn't lead me astray. She doesn't mince words and she's always straight with you.  I packed up my bike and got my a$$ to Galveston for packet pick-up.  Game ON!

Next morning I was up at 3:30am.  I'd set everything out the night before and just had to get dressed, grab my nutrition in the fridge and head south to Moody Gardens.  We arrived in plenty of time to get a good parking space and then walked to transition to set up. My daughter Amanda always signs up to volunteer so she is free to roam the course, cheer me on during the race and take lots of pics plus she does a very nice job of body marking (I'm picky--I don't like no chicken scratch!).  We heard the announcer say the swim was NOT wet suit legal so I had to mentally gear up for a different swim than I'd anticipated. The water was 78 degrees and I wouldn't have the buoyancy of the wetsuit but not to worry.  I love an adventure!  Coachie told me to go out and enjoy the day and that's exactly what I planned to do.  Soon it was time to make my way to the pier for race start.  I was a little nervous but happy to be in the first wave of swimmers after the pros.  That meant I didn't have to wait around.  I could just GO.   

  I made my way over to the pier and lined up with the purple caps.  I chatted with some of the ladies and watched the pros warm up.  We were told to jump in the water right when the pros started.  Before we knew it, the cannon went off and the pros sprinted through the water.  We all started jumping in feet first to swim over to the start buoys.  I LOVE jumping off the pier into the bay.  It's so exciting!  We treaded water for about 5 minutes and then we were off!  The water was comfortable and the ladies in my age group were all very calm about the start.  I found some feet pretty quickly and hung on. Hardly any chop until mid-way and even then it wasn't bad. The wave of twenty-something men passed by us but I held tight to the purple caps in my age group.  Before I knew it, I had rounded the last buoy and was headed towards the shore.  I picked up my speed a bit and swam up next to a volunteer standing knee deep helping people climb out of the water.  I grabbed his hand and stepped onto the pier, pulled off my goggles and cap and ran to transition.

I think my transition was a little over 3 minutes.  I was just three rows from the Bike Out so it didn't take me long.  

I walked over the start line and mounted my bike for the 56 mile ride.

I went through a series of turns out of Moody Gardens and then through a neighborhood to the main road that runs along the Seawall.  There wasn't a wisp of wind heading east along the coast and I was so grateful to be out there, on my bike, doing something I love.  I wasn't worried about speed, I just knew I was supposed to keep it "comfortably uncomfortable" for the duration of the ride.  I'd missed a solid seven days of training leading up to the race so the goal was to finish as strong as I could. It wasn't long before I made the turn around and crossed over a timing wire that sent data to the people following me on Ironman live.  It's so nice to know that you're not really out there on your own.  You have people tracking you on their computers, cheering you on virtually.  I certainly felt the energy while I was out there. I was thinking of my husband, friends and facebook family.  I knew my coach was tracking not only me but my teammate, Mary Knott as well.  Good vibes were sent and received.

Around mile 35 or 40 it started to rain.  My bike had been making some weird squeaking noises that became worse on the wet roads.  I wondered if my brakes were rubbing but I didn't want to get off and check.  Later, I found out that my Zipp wheels had been installed incorrectly and were rubbing against my bike frame.  No wonder it felt so hard to keep my speed up.  It did seem odd that I was riding so slow on such a perfect day.  I should've been cruising along at a pretty good clip but it wasn't meant to be.  C'est la vie-- I made it back, safe and sound, dismounted and ran over to my transition area.  I purposely took my time racking my bike and getting my shoes on for the run.  My legs were heavy and tired from the ride and I knew I had 13.1 miles to cover.  A total of 5 minutes had ticked off from the time I'd entered transition to my exit out to the run course.

I was smiling but my legs were not happy!

The run is the most challenging of the three disciplines for me.  In middle school and high school I was on the track team.  I could run fast for short distances and usually won my heats but long distances were not my thing. I cringed when the coach told me to race the mile (the MILE!! omg!).  I wasn't really into the pain and I didn't see the point since sprints were soooo much more fun.  But now, I want to be a distance runner.  I've chosen to be an endurance athlete and with that comes the concept of embracing the pain, not avoiding it.  I recently listened to an interview with Casey Neistat on the Rich Roll Podcast (if you haven't discovered Rich Roll, you are missing out on something AMAZING).  Casey said something that I completely agree with-- he said, "It's always the struggles that define you in life.....it's the hardest times that make you who you are".  Triathlon presents you with opportunities to "grow through struggle" every single time you show up to a workout you don't feel like doing or to a race that holds your future goals in it's grasp.  You have to learn to adapt, dig deep, push through, persist and rally when your mind is vehemently demanding that you quit.  You learn to seek out the hard stuff in life because you've likely experienced that state of "suck" on the bike or in a race and found that THAT is actually where all the magic happens. By acting in the face of fear and self-doubt, a transformation occurs within you.  You come away stronger, braver and better than you were when you started. That's what I'm chasing every single day, during every single workout.  I want the MAGIC.  And that is exactly what was in my head when I left transition for the run.  

The run did not disappoint.  It is a three loop course so I knew each loop was about 4 1/2 miles.  I had my Garmin strapped to my wrist so I could keep track of my pace and distance.  By mile six I was starting to slow down and then a new level of pain set in by mile 8.  My pace was around eleven minutes and getting slower.  I felt like I was in agony from the waist down.  Everything hurt.  I wanted to stop.  I had addressed this very situation with coach Hillary the day before.  I knew that when these thoughts came, I would tell myself that this was part of the experience--thoughts of the pain, thoughts that said I needed to stop.  Just because I had these thoughts didn't mean I had to obey them.  At one point I walked about five steps and realized that it hurt more to slow down than to keep running so I picked back up to my ridiculous little shuffle of a "run", plodding along like a tired horse.  I didn't want my run to be like this.  I had trained six months to get to this point and I wanted the run to better than "just getting through it".  My knee was fine, a little stiff and achy but holding up very well and yes, I had the excuse that I'd been really sick leading up to the race but I did not want to use an excuse. That is not who I am.  Nevertheless, there I was, hobbling through the course like an old lady.  That's when I realized something.  I was in pain, yes, but I wasn't breathing hard.  That meant that I had some reserves available to me that my mind was masking with all of it's whining and complaining.  That meant there was still more I could give.  So I just started running-- like really running.

All of a sudden I was Forrest Freaking Gump, runnin' like the wind blows!  

Well, maybe not THAT fast, but it felt a heck of a lot faster than what I'd been doing.  I started passing people and felt the wind in my face.  My body absorbed the pace without any resistance.  I kept thinking I wish I would've figured this out sooner!  I kept pushing the pace and my body kept giving me the energy to do it.  I rounded the boardwalk area that looks out over Galveston Bay where we'd swam the 1.2 miles earlier that morning and thought, "WOW, I'm running the last two miles of a half ironman! This is AWESOME."  

All of a sudden a perky little brunette jumped around to my right side and said, "I've been looking for you all day long!!".  I couldn't have been more excited to see my teammate, Dawn--fearless, amazing, incredible Kona Dawn.  She was full of energy and asking me how I felt.  I immediately pulled in her enthusiasm and told her I thought I was gonna do this-- I wanted to finish strong.  She said something like, "Can you go faster? I bet you can!!" and I said "okay" just like Forrest Gump, and she started to run even faster and so did I and it felt fantastic and awful all at the same time but I didn't care because I was RUN-NING!!!!!  "Come ON!!! Go, GO, GO!!!!" she shouted and gave me her signature butt slap.  Absolutely, hands down, THE BEST PART OF MY DAY.  

Dawn running barefoot next to me, getting me all fired up for the Finish.

I continued to hold the elevated pace Dawn had pulled out of me, proof that there was still more in the tank than my brain wanted me to believe, and I rounded the bend towards the fork that either sends you on another loop or leads you to the finish chute.  I gave every last ounce I had running to the finish line.  I heard the announcer call my name and I raised my arms in the air and looked skyward.  

Magic.

What a feelin'!

The noise of the crowd, the music, the announcer, the volunteer taking my timing chip.  The medal around my neck, the other volunteer asking me if I was ok.
I couldn't form a word.  My mouth wouldn't work.  My legs didn't work very well either and she quickly told me to lean on her.  Thank goodness she saw I wasn't quite right because I would've ended up on the ground.  I had no idea that my body was that depleted.  I was admitted to the med tent and given a chair.  An assistant handed me some nasty liquid stuff and told me to drink it all.  Eeeewwww!!  Whatever it was, it worked and I was released within ten minutes or so.  I found my daughter and shuffled over to the food tent and although I normally avoid eating animal products, I grabbed three slices of pepperoni pizza and started chowin' down.  I saw Dawn and we chatted about the race and she shared some wonderful gems from her vast store of experience.  We hugged and I decided it was time to call it a day.
And what a day it was.
My official time on the course:  6:33:57
I couldn't have done it without Valeo Physical Therapy and their incredible staff.  Paul and Amanda helped ease my pain after knee surgery and fully supported my goal to make it to Galveston.  Tony, my TRX trainer, strengthened my body and watched over me during my Alter-G runs.  His fist pumps during my long run days were priceless.  Most of all, and with deepest gratitude and respect, I want to thank my coach and mentor, Hillary Biscay for helping me earn my wings.  

Kemah Sprint Race Report 2015

I wanted to give you a little play by play of my first race of the season.  

The Kemah Triathlon offers both sprint and olympic distances. This was my third time doing the Kemah sprint distance.  I've never done the olympic distance but it's quite popular because you get to jump off of a three story paddle boat into Galveston Bay and swim to shore.   

A lot of people sign up just so they can jump off the boat.  

Maybe someday I'll do the olympic because jumping off the Colonel would be kind of fun but for now I'm ok with starting on the beach.  It's what I've always done.  I'm a creature of habit.

I arrived at the Kemah boardwalk at about 4:15am.  I unloaded my bike and walked to check-in for body marking.  If you're not familiar with triathlon speak, body marking is a way to identify athletes on the course during the race.  A volunteer uses a Sharpie to write your race number on both arms and your race age on your calf.  My race age this year is 48 because by Dec. 31st I will have turned that age.  This puts me in the 45-49 year old age group or AG.  My results will be measured against the other women in my age group.  That also means that during the race, I will be on the look out for any females in my AG so that I can do my best to stay ahead of them.  I don't worry about anyone else.  Unless they try to trip me on the run.....more on that later.

 My friend Rachele was volunteering at check-in so we chatted and took a pic.  Sorry about the strobe light behind us.  Everywhere we turned, there it was.

How can she look so good at 4:30 in the morning???

After I got marked, I walked to transition to find my race number on one of the bike racks.  I found #1479 and hung up my bike. While I set up my towel for the bike and run, I chatted with the other ladies around me.  Three of them were new to triathlon and this was their first race.  They were all a little nervous about the swim because it was notoriously choppy.  I loved talking to them and sharing what I knew about the course.   

My bike, Jenny set up next to my little "area" for transition.

 It was still dark and I had some time to kill so I visited the port-a-potties (Eww!!) and then walked down to the swim start to check out the water conditions.  The kayaks were just starting to launch into the Bay.  The water looked a bit rough but I expected that.

Kayaks heading out to the Bay

I walked back to transition and decided to start pulling on my wetsuit.  The race marshall walked passed us and said transition was closing in two minutes.  Wow, that was fast!  I tucked my goggles in my swim suit along with my purple cap and headed down to the beach.  When I got there the announcer was already calling for the purple caps to line up so I quickly jumped in the queue and entered the water.

 I did a quick warm up swim under the pier then took my place right beside the start buoy up in front of the pack.  In the past I've always been timid about the swim and positioned myself in the back of the group because I wasn't a very strong swimmer but this year was different.  After months of swimming four to five days a week in the off-season I felt confident enough to start up front and not be afraid of body contact when the gun went off.
The countdown began...10, 9, 8.... I treaded water and counted out loud with everyone, excited to get this party started....4, 3, 2, 1  BANG! and we were off!  Coachie had instructed me to go hard on the swim so that's what I did.  I kept trying to find some feet (meaning draft off of another swimmer) but everyone was too scattered out.  I swam hard and tried to stay in line with the buoy.  Once I reached the buoy I made the turn and pressed forward.  I started passing the previous wave of male swimmers-- a good sign that I had a decent pace.  I passed the next buoy and turned for the shore.  I started passing the wave two groups before us so I knew I was making good time but I still couldn't find any feet to draft nor did I know how many purple caps were out of the water.  I kept swimming until my hand touched the sandy bottom. I stood up and climbed out of the water with the help of a volunteer and took off for the wetsuit strippers.  Thank goodness they were shouting at me to come over to them or I would've missed them.  I dropped to the ground and laid on my back with my feet in the air.  Two ladies grabbed my suit and yanked it off in one pull.  "GO, GO, GO!!" they said as they shoved my wet suit at me.  I grabbed my suit and took off for transition feeling excited.

Wet suit stripped and running to T1

 I ran to my bike and dropped my wetsuit then grabbed my helmet and slipped on my gloves.  I don't always wear gloves in a sprint but a light rain had begun to fall and I wanted the extra grip on my bars. I pulled my bike off the rack and ran barefoot to the BIKE OUT.  I like to keep my shoes clipped into my pedals then mount the bike barefoot.  Once I'm cruising on the course I simply slip my feet into my shoes and secure them with the velcro flap.  It saves time and I run faster in bare feet than I do in slippery bike cleats.
We had a quick turn around under the Kemah bridge and then a straight shot with a bit of a head wind for about 6 miles.

At that point it started to rain, like really rain.  I just hunkered down and picked up my speed.  My goal was to stay above 19.0 mph because that's where my legs felt challenged but strong.  I passed a lot of people who were likely intimidated by the rain.  I started picking people off and looking for other females my age. I didn't see anyone but that didn't mean they weren't out there in front of me.  I held my pace and made it to the turn around then headed back towards the boardwalk.  

I played cat and mouse with a few guys, not intentionally but sometimes you pass people and then they pass you back and then you keep doing that until somebody gets dropped.  If anything, it keeps it interesting.  Eventually I saw the Kemah bridge ahead so I pulled my feet out of my shoes and pedaled barefoot to the dismount area. I turned into BIKE IN and swung my right leg over the saddle to glide over the dismount line and rushed to transition with one hand on my bike.  I made my way over to my towel and racked my bike then took off my helmet.  I bent over to put my running shoes on and --- UGGHHH!! A sharp pain shot into the right side of my abdominal muscles.  Wow, that didn't feel very good!  I felt a charlie horse knot up underneath my rib cage.  "Great, " I thought, "this could be a problem".  I massaged the lump with my fingers and tried to get it to release but no luck.  I bent over to try for my shoes again but stood right back up from the pain.  I took a deep breath and told myself to stay calm and relax.  I kept massaging the muscle until it finally released enough for me to get my shoes on.  I grabbed my hat, my water bottle and my race belt and high tailed it outta there.

The run for a sprint distance is a 5K or 3.1 miles.  I had been instructed by my coach to build the run mile by mile so that's exactly what I did. I turned left onto 6th street then made a right and settled into a good pace on a straight road.  The crowd was cheering, the rain had eased up a bit and I was enjoying the moment......and then I heard heavy breathing and the steady rhythm of feet hitting the ground behind me.  I didn't turn around because I wanted to stay focused on my plan.  I wasn't worried about being passed because a lot of people take the first mile too fast and you just end up passing them later when they peter out.  I was only concerned with the women in my age group.  It became clear that the person behind me was ready to pass me despite having an entire road at her disposal.  She decided to speed around me, brushing my shoulder as she stepped right in front of me.  I had to dodge left to keep from running into her and thought, "wow, lady, really?  Did you actually just do that in a sprint race?".  I looked down at her calf as she trotted off in front of me. Thirty-one years old.  Hmmmf.  I was certainly no threat to her and felt irritated that she was being such a bad sport.  I let the little whipper snapper go, vowing to deal with her at mile three. I passed the second mile marker and saw Johnny Z, owner of Powerhouse racing.  He cheered me on and reached out to give me a high five as I passed.  I was feeling good and picked up the pace to keep building my speed. I kept the whipper snapper in my sight, patiently biding my time.  She was starting to fade.  We rounded the boardwalk along the waterfront and I knew we were about three quarters of a mile from the finish.  I continued to build my pace, as instructed.  The Whipper Snapper was gonna rue the day that she messed with Mama D!  I past the guy on my right and then made my move and blazed past little Miss Snapper, feeling quite pleased with myself.  I kept pushing through the last mile as hard as I could go, passing several people in the process.  Now, let me add here that I am NOT a fast runner by any stretch of the imagination.  I AM determined.  I wanted my coach to be proud of me.  I wanted to be on the podium.  I kept repeating this like a mantra in my head so I wouldn't give in to the pain and slow down.

Making my move to pass the Whipper Snapper!  Am I really that short??

Splash, splash, splash!  I ran through huge puddles of water and made a turn for the final stretch. The spectators were cheering and the volunteers were directing us to turn right and assuring us that we were almost there! I could hear the announcer calling out people's names and could see the finish shoot up ahead.  I really put the hurt on and pushed my pace to give all I could muster on the final approach.  

Me in the back sprinting in to the finish....

It felt like my lungs were going to burst as I crossed over the timing mat.

WHEW!!  I made it.

Wow, that HURT.

A volunteer pulled me aside and took the timing chip off my ankle.  Another hung a finisher's medal around my neck.  I was happy to be done and ready for an ice cold coke!  I wondered over to the food tent, grabbed a drink and sat down to relax and wait for the results to post.  It wasn't long before I saw a crowd of people hovering around a bunch of papers taped to the side of a trailer.  They were all craning their necks to see their results.  I walked over to find the paper for my age group.  It was such a good feeling to see my efforts had paid off.  Second in my AG was fine by me :)

I looked at my splits and noticed the cramping issue during T2 cost me a full minute which was a bit of a bummer but all in all I was still happy.  I swam hard, I biked hard and I passed the whipper snapper on the run.  It was a good day!

During the awards ceremony it was raining so hard the announcer was forced to run through the names like an auctioneer.  I was so ready to get home and get warm.  I accepted my second place trophy, stood on the podium for quick pic and then took off for transition to pack up.  I got to my car feeling exhausted but happy for a great day.

This race was a good start to my season.  Despite having to recover from knee surgery and get through some minor bumps in the road I was able to push my body and race hard.  I'm really looking forward to the Galveston Half Ironman on April 26th.  Being a triathlete is da bomb :)

Back home, warm and dry.