How did I get here?

I've been meaning to start a blog for months.  I've always liked writing down my thoughts and have kept a diary since I was about nine years old.  But it was always private.  Blogs are so PUBLIC.  I struggled over whether or not to share my thoughts with the world.  I mean, I'm no expert on life or triathlon and I don't want to write something stupid and have people read it, then think I'm a looney toon or something---the truth would be out!  People would know I'm crazy, right?  So it's a big thing for me to actually hit the "publish" button. The fact that you're reading this means I got over it and decided to step into the void and let go.

I love reading other people's blogs.  I respect bloggers for putting themselves out there.  I learn so much from other people's experiences and their knowledge of different things.  I have to admit that most of the meals I make for my family come from cooking blogs.  If it weren't for all those brilliant home chefs sharing their recipes, we'd have a very boring rotation of meals on our family table.  Of course, my favorite blogs are by triathletes, especially the ones by pro women triathletes.  You can learn so much from their race reports and their philosophy on life and training.  I am especially fond of this one and this one, but I also very much enjoy this blog by an age grouper and mom, just like me.  And I like this one because the woman went from "back of the pack" all the way to Kona baby! SO inspiring.  I decided to start blogging because I kept having these little "aha" moments when I was training and I wanted to write them down so I wouldn't forget.  And because I like to talk.  I know.  Deep, right?

Maybe I should share how I came to call myself a triathlete.  First I think it's important to note that I raced sprint distances for 5 years and never considered myself a triathlete during that entire span of time. I would tell people "I do triathlons".  There's some glitchy thinking I'd love to dissect in another post, but for now, just know that as the mother of five children and the wife of a mostly-absent-due-to-travel executive, I started training for a triathlon to find myself.  I'd been a mom since I was twenty-one years old. I had embraced motherhood whole-heartedly when the kids were little and loved almost every minute of it. But as they grew older, a very scary thought began to creep into my head:  "Is this it?  Is this all I am? I want more than this".  I battled the depression monster after the birth of every one of my kids and used anti-depressants off and on for about fifteen years.  The medication helped take the edge off of the pain so I could function but it always had undesirable side effects.  I decided to go on a mission to find a natural way to ease the depression. I found that exercise gave me a huge mood boost so I kept going back to it when I'd fall into a pit of sorrow.  Problem is, when you're depressed, the last thing you want to do is go for a run or show up at the gym.  By it's very nature, depression kills your motivation to do anything.  I understand this very well.  I've ridden this roller coaster most of my life and read enough self-help books to fill a small library. I've slowly come up with a prescription that's helped me manage and possibly eradicate this beast for good.  Triathlon is a main ingredient.

A little more about me...

I grew up in Tulsa, Oklahoma as a very active, precocious child.  I was always bouncing, twirling and climbing all over the place.  I begged my dad to let me train to be a gymnast after watching Nadia Comaneci perform in the '76 Olympic games.  I competed for years and then joined the cheerleading squad in seventh grade and did that AND gymnastics through high school.

Back layouts on the trampoline.  No Net!!

 I did very little exercise in college other than walking to class but enjoyed my life as a sorority girl.  I loved school and my very smart boyfriend enough that I stayed focused on my academics. Oh, and I married my boyfriend :)

Raybans were cool in 1987.

And then baby number one arrived....

After my first daughter was born, my goal was to lose weight so I bought Jane Fonda's aerobics tape and danced around my living room in spandex (an early sign of things to come) while the baby napped.  Then came babies two and three....

If my kids read this blog they're gonna kill me for this one.

With two more additions to our family over the next three years, life got very busy and I moved on to walking with the kids in a double stroller with my newborn strapped to my chest.  Getting outside was necessary for my sanity.  We had one car and it was only available to me two days a week when my husband carpooled to work.  So we walked A LOT--two or three times a day, and played outside as much as possible.  It kept me active and the kept the kids happy.  Fast forward to 1998-- we moved to the U.K. for a brief stint in Norwich, a beautiful cathedral city in rural East Anglia.

 One year later we moved to Bombay, India and that's when I experienced some heavy depression.  Culture shock is a bitch. I cried every day for the first six months.  I wanted to go home so badly.  But I have to say, living there taught me more about myself than any other time in my life. 

Me, very pregnant with baby #4, my husband and a large, feisty elephant.

While we were living in India, I had baby number four.  When she was about six months old, I hired a personal trainer to get myself fit and happy again.  This is me and Alyssa right after a training session. Exercise lights me up and I remember feeling so amazing and happy at the moment this picture was taken.

Back in the states I became a certified yoga instructor and a step instructor.  I taught fitness classes for about 5 years and then went back to school to finish my degree in English.  On the day I registered for classes, I found out I was pregnant with baby number five....

In 2008 we moved to Dallas and my husband's travel schedule went through the roof.  I was alone with five kids ranging in age from fifteen months to eighteen years.  I was overwhelmed with the angst and drama of three teenagers while simultaneously potty training a toddler and raising a first grader.  I used food to feel better and started gaining weight.  I was a very lost person.  I crashed into an all time low.  I needed something strong enough and fierce enough to pull me out of this very sad, dark place I was in.  I needed a goal to reach for so I could feel strong again.  I had to put one foot in front of the other and make a decision to do something.  ANYTHING. So I chose triathlon. Or maybe it chose me-- I don't know.  I just decided one day I was going to do it.  I didn't know how to swim a single stroke and I didn't own a bike but I didn't care.  All the better.  The game was afoot and I was excited.  I felt alive just thinking about crossing the finish line of my first race.  I was going to do a triathalon. I couldn't even spell it right but I knew it was the answer.  I was going to swim, bike and run my way back to LIFE.  And that's exactly what I did.